


Now or Never

by thericketandoo



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Homophobia, One Shot, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:24:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5022853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thericketandoo/pseuds/thericketandoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It was now, or never.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Ilse should be packing, but she’s probably going to leave it to the last minute because that’s what she always does. Even right now, on the verge of Wendla’s departure for grad school, Ilse is waiting until the last minute to tell her how she feels, or rather, how she’s felt the last 3 years.</i>
</p>
<p>The Pirate Queens - College AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now or Never

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at writing this pairing, but hopefully not my last!

_It was now, or never._

Ilse should be packing, but she’s probably going to leave it to the last minute because that’s what she always does. Even right now, on the verge of Wendla’s departure for grad school, Ilse is waiting until the last minute to tell her how she feels, or rather, how she’s felt the last 3 years.

Wendla and Ilse met on Ilse’s first day of university. Ilse had taken a year off between high school and college, so even though they were the same age, Wendla was just starting her second year as an english major when they started talking at the table Wendla was manning, promoting the university’s teaching program. Back then Ilse wanted to be a teacher. Wendla still does.

A knock at Ilse’s door, followed by the muffled voice of one of her sorority sisters, makes Ilse put down the photo frame she had been holding.

“Come in!”

“She’s here, let me ask her- “ A girl, Martha, opened her door cautiously while talking into the cellphone that was pinched between her shoulder and ear, “Wendla is allergic to cherries?”

“Strawberries” Ilse replied, and then mouthed the words ‘who are you talking to’ at Martha.

Martha covered the phone with her hand, whispered ‘Anna’, and then spoke into the phone, “I told you it was strawberries!” As Martha left the room, she turned around and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Ilse, who nodded and directed her attention back at the photo.

\----

“Smile, girls!”

Ilse and Wendla, who were both dressed as pirates, turned to Anna, and gave her the cheesiest smiles possible before dissolving into laughter.

“I can’t believe you guys beat us!” Thea pouted, crossing her arms.

“Believe it!” Ilse tipped her ridiculous pirate hat at Thea, and gave her a toothy grin, showing off her purposely blacked out teeth.

Wendla laughed, showing off a few blacked out teeth of her own. “You’ll have to try harder if you want to beat the likes of Mary Reed, and Anne Bonney!”

“That’s it, I’m changing your contact name in my phone. Smile big for the called ID pic!” Ilse snapped a photo of Wendla, as she growled, ‘arrrrrrr’.

“Okay, now your turn, Captain Reed!”

\----

It wasn’t immediately apparent to Ilse that she had  those kind of feelings for Wendla. It was only after the first 4 months of sharing a room at the sorority house that Wendla had somehow convinced Ilse to pledge for (“It’s not that kind of sorority!”) that she realized she was smitten. She loved watching Wendla brush and style her hair. She smiled when she could hear Wendla sing in the shower. Her heart stopped when Wendla tangled her fingers between Ilse’s to pull her down the stairs to the dining room for her birthday party.  _Oh no._

The buzz of a text on her cell reminded Ilse she should be heading out to Wendla’s graduation ceremony, and while Ilse was late to almost everything, this had to be an exception, so Ilse grabbed her purse, took one last look in the mirror across from her bed, and headed out.

\----

“You know, Wendla, I’ve yet to see you even kiss anyone this whole time we’ve known each other.”

Wendla giggled, cheeks red like the cheap rose wine they were drinking from the bottle. The girls were sitting cross-legged on the floor of their room, celebrating the end of finals.

“Maybe I don’t like making out in front of the whole world like  some people!”

“Oh come on, that was just one time!” As Ilse protested, she reached over to snatch the wine bottle from Wendla’s hands, but Wendla pulled it further away just before Ilse could reach, and Ilse’s hands fell to the floor. Ilse made another attempt at the bottle, but this time she scooted towards Wendla on her knees, but with each movement Wendla’s two-handed grip on the bottle tightened, until she was holding it to her chest as her life depended on protecting this bottle. 

Now Ilse was inches from Wendla’s face. They sat there for a moment staring into each other’s eyes, but before Ilse could find the strength to kiss her, Wendla smirked fiendishly, pushed Ilse’s face away with her whole palm.

  
“Hey!” Ilse exaggerates her ‘offended’ face to hide her disappointment.

If Ilse didn’t love Wendla, she’d tickle her to get that wine bottle back. If Ilse didn’t love Wendla she wouldn’t hate herself so much right now.

\----

Thankfully, it was mildly overcast today, and so Ilse woudn’t have to worry about the suncreen she didn’t put on as she sat in the chairs set up for the graduation ceremony. She was trying to her best to pay attention to the speeches, avoiding the buzzing of her phone in her pocket. ‘Millennials aren’t all trash,’ she thought, as she glanced at the other adults staring at their phones.

“Wendla Bergman!”

“YEAH!” Ilse jumped up and shouted all too enthusiastically, along with her other sorority sisters, and Wendla laughed as she collected her diploma. She waved at the girls as she walked off the stage, and disappeared back into the crowd.

As Ilse sat down she felt another buzz from her phone, so she finally gave in and looked at it’s lock screen. She smiled and bit her lip as she read the most recent notification from ‘Anne Bonney’.

Any other day, texts from Wendla make Ilse’s heart flutter, but now as she’s counting down the seconds until she finally professes her undying love for her best friend, and more that likely ruins their friendship, she’s considering hurling her phone phone off the top floor of the campus library in order to avoid reading another text.

\----

“Ilse… Are you still awake?”

“Hmmm yes.” She was barely awake, but the tone in Wendla’s voice was tense, and hesitant, and Ilse began to worry.

“Can I tell you something I’ve… I’ve never told any here? Well, any of the girls?”

Ilse’s heart was beating in her throat. She tried to steady her breathing. “Of course.”

There was a long silence. The dark of their bedroom seemed to heighten the tension somehow. Ilse waited.

“When I was in high school I was- “ Wendla drew in a shuttering breath, “raped.”

A gasp threatened to escape Ilse’s mouth, but her hand came up to stop it.

“He doesn’t- I didn’t understand at the time. It’s taken me a long time to be able to say this- “

“Wendla, you don’t have to- “

“No, I just wanted to be honest with you. I’ve been seeing a therapist. I got the idea from you, so thank you, and… I wanted to tell you, after you opened up about that stuff about your father, and how terrible things were at home, and you said that therapy saved your life.”

Ilse could hear the quiver in Wendla’s voice that told her she was holding back tears. Ilse was crying, too.

“I just came to realize that I couldn’t just pretend it didn’t happen anymore. I would never be able to move on, or open up to other people if I couldn’t admit to myself that it happened, and it… it… wasn’t my- “ Her voice breaks off in sobs, unable to finish.

Ilse moved from her bed and into Wendla’s, holding her as she continued to sob. It was true, what Ilse had said to Wendla about therapy saving her life. After years of growing up with her abusive father, Ilse had reached rock-bottom just after high school graduation. She left home with nowhere to go, and ended up lots of place she should have been. By some miracle, she found an abuse survivor’s support group, and managed to begin to piece her life together.

\----  


She’s not perfect, obviously, and she struggles. She’s constantly plagued with guilt over things she knows she can’t control. She still thinks about her aunt tell her she’s ‘only a lesbian because her father touched her too young’, every time she sleeps with a woman. All that being said, she knows she’s come a long way, or else she would not be strong enough to handle Wendla right now.

\----

“It wasn’t your fault.”

\----

The bar was packed with students celebrating their graduations. Ilse knocked back the remainder of her beer, mustering the last bit of courage needed to be able to speak to Wendla.

Ilse walked across the room to Wendla, who was playing pool surrounded by 3 of their fellow sorority sisters, Anna, Martha, and Thea. They all erupted in cheers as Wendla pocketed the last ball, beating a third different frat boy that night.

“Nice! Hey, do you want to get some air?” Ilse shoved her hands in her jean pockets, gesturing with her head toward the front door.

“Yes!” Wendla beamed. She handed her pool cue to Anna, and linked arms with Ilse, “Let’s go!”

The cool air hit their faces, sending a chill down Ilse’s spine that Wendla could feel.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Wendla asked, unlinking her arm from Ilse’s.

“Yeah, totally. It’s nice out here.” Ilse paused, taking a beat to make sure she had Wendla’s full attention. “You know, I’m really going to miss you.”

Wendla put a hand on Ilse’s shoulder, “You know I’m only going to be thirty minutes away, yeah?”

“No, I know. I just mean, I’m  _really_ going to miss you.” The pit grows in Ilse’s stomach, as she struggles to get her point across.

“I’m going to miss you, too!” Wendla is a bit tipsy, so she laughs when Ilse’s face turns more serious.

Ilse shakes her head, and brings a hand up to her temple. _It’s now, or never._ She let’s out the heaviest sigh she’s ever sighed.

“Wendla, I  _love_ you. Romantically. Wholeheartedly, with every part of me, and wait, I know you’re not really comfortable with intimacy, and I really don’t know how you feel about girls, really, but I just had to te-”

Wendla cuts Ilse off abruptly, pulling Ilse by the cheeks into a kiss. Ilse deepens their kiss, bringing her hands up, fingers weaving through Wendla’s hair. 

When they pull apart there are tears in Ilse’s eyes, and she wipes them away angrily. Wendla reaches into her hair, and brings Ilse’s hands out so she can hold them in front of her. She kisses Ilse’s knuckles as they wrap around her own.

“I’m glad you said something,” Wendla giggled, “because Lord knows I wouldn’t have been able to!”

Ilse leans into Wendla, and they come together, foreheads touching.  _It’s now._

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated. Thanks for reading! (OMG the time stamp is messed up in the text message image, but I can't fix it for some reason, so shhhhhhhhhh!)


End file.
